


Time Share

by PumpkinDoodles



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Some Spoilers, The rest is nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 05:04:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Author’s note: An Avengers: Endgame AU. Roughly 4% spoilers/canon, 96% time travel comedy I’ve just made up.What happens when you beat Thanos, but you still have an Infinity Stone? And the rules of time and space are like a US Tourist Visa?





	Time Share

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing! Cross-posted from tumblr.

Everyone lived. Well, except Thanos. All the dusted were brought back from the Soul Stone. They got Gamora and Loki and Vision and all of Asgard back in a complicated bargain with a resurrected Hela, who went hell for leather on the Mad Titan when she was informed that he’d destroyed the survivors of Asgard and her lookalike adoptive brother. “Loki was the only one in the family who could appreciate my flair,” she told Thor, tilting her antlers in that terrifying way and appearing to actually tear up a little. Then she winked at Valkyrie. “She can stay,” Hela said, “when I am Queen of Asgard, I’ll need a good military advisor. You and Loki will have to remain on Midgard, but you can come for holidays and birthdays, of course. That is my price for defeating Thanos.”

“Fine,” Thor said, half-expecting it to go tits up anyway.

“She’s very striking, I sort of forgot when I was at Other Guy scale,” Bruce Banner said, as they followed Hela out of her tomb on Vormir. Hela whistled and a large pile of nearby snow rose and shook itself vividly.

“Fenrir, my darling,” Hela cooed. Bruce took a step back.

“Didn’t forget him, eh?” Valkyrie said.

“Nope,” Bruce said.

“Come along,” Hela called, climbing on the wolf.

“Are we carpooling on the wolf?” Bruce whispered to Valkyrie as Thor climbed on.

“Yup,” Valkyrie said. They rode into battle in Wakanda again, but this time the outcome was much different.

 

***

 

All the stones were destroyed or placed somewhere safe with the exception of the Time Stone. “What do we do with it?” Bruce asked Tony. All of the Avengers were sitting around a table, regarding the stone. They had taken it out of the time machine.

“We should give it to that Dr. Strange dude, Mr. Stark,” Peter suggested, threading down from the conference room ceiling.

“Good idea. Everyone listen to my Spiderkid. We’ll take it to Strange,” Tony said. But when they’d gone to Bleecker Street, Strange practically shut the door on them.

“I’m afraid I cannot accept it. I have enough time on my hands,” he said. The Sanctum seemed to shudder at the thought and the door swung shut.

“But we’re awesome facial hair bros!” Tony called through the heavy wood. “How can he just leave us like this?”

“So, what do we do, just keep it?” Clint said later that evening. He was phoning in from Iowa. “What are the rules again?”

“You go back in time, you create an alternative mirror timeline that exists independently of your main past, like a new thread on a tapestry, but we can only stay for so long,” Nat said.

“Three months in the alternative world, three months back in the present,” Steve said.

“It’s like a US Visa, really,” Scott Lang said. He was also phoning in from California. “Luis had a cousin who had to spend four months in Honduras for every three in the US.”

“Is that legal?” Bucky asked. “To go back and forth?”

“Probably not,” Scott admitted. “It got complicated and he had to marry somebody so he wouldn’t be deported.”

That night, Nat caught Steve staring at the stone. “What are you thinking, Cap?”

“What if I put the stone in the machine and visited Peggy for a bit?” Steve said. “Just a few weeks. Do you think she’d mind? I wonder when would be a good time?”

He decided on the spring of 1946. She hadn’t started seeing her future husband yet, so he didn’t have to worry she’d feel guilty, even if it didn’t mess up her main timeline, either.

 

***

 

After that, they shared the Time Stone. Nat went back to Russia and did surveillance on her parents for a few weeks. “You didn’t talk to them?” Sam asked, confused, when she came back and Steve departed to see Peggy for another brief 1946 visit.

“No,” she said. “I wanted to see what they were like first. I’ll talk to them on the next one. I’m sort of afraid my Russian is rusty. And what can I talk about? I probably need to find a fake respectable job and a date,” she mused. “I can’t tell my parents I killed people.”

“You were good at it, though,” Bucky said, looking up from _National Geographic_ on his tablet. “They should know how good you were.”

“Maybe I’ll get a cat,” Nat said out loud. “People talk about their pets.”

 

***

 

Bucky used the stone to go to Coney Island and ride the Cyclone without getting barfed on. He got a haircut and took Delores, the redhead from the old neighborhood. She was just as cute as he remembered. “James,” she said, “whatever happened to that sweet little fella who used to follow you around? The itty bitty blonde, always getting in fights?” Bucky leaned over and grinned.

“You won’t believe this, doll, but he had a real growth spurt. Six feet tall and two hundred pounds if he’s a day. Wouldn’t even recognize him myself, except that he still gets in fights,” Bucky said.

“I bet he wins more now, though,” Delores said.

“Oh, he’s won a few,” Bucky said, laughing.

 

***

 

Thor went back in time to a particular New Mexico diner and bought a mug. Then he returned to 2019. “Back already, Point Break?” Tony called. He was playing poker with Rhodey and Loki. “Did you want to join us?” Tony asked.

“Your brother is still a terrible cheat,” Rhodey said. Loki smirked.

“Good luck, brother,” he said quietly. “Her lab is but feet away, as of, oh, seventy-two hours ago.”

“I know,” Thor said.

“I did that for you!” Tony called out. “I had to offer her a small fortune.”

“You’re a born romantic, Tony,” Rhodey said.

Thor filled his diner mug with deli roses and went via the elevator to the thirty eighth floor of Stark Tower. He knocked on the glass wall. Jane Foster opened the door. “When I found out you took the job,” Thor began, “I…”

“You what?” Jane said carefully.

“Wondered if you still liked roses?” he said, bringing the mug from behind his back. She looked at the tiny mug in his hands. “If you still liked roses and, uh, me?” he asked.

“Oh,” Jane said, blinking. “Because I was wondering if it was true that you’d given up the throne to save everyone?”

“Yes,” he said. “I do get to go back to Asgard for birthdays.”

“Did you know I was dusted?” she whispered, eyes on his face.

“Yeah,” he said. “I did. I would have given it up a million times—” he began.

When she burst into tears, he accidentally dropped the mug in his hurry to hold her. The handle broke. “Whoops, I didn’t mean to do that. Isabel from the diner will be disappointed,” he said into Jane’s hair.

“It’s okay, I think we can glue it back together,” Jane said tearfully.

“You think it can be mended?” Thor asked carefully.

“I do,” Jane said. She beamed at him. “Darcy will be so happy to see you. She’s my executive assistant now.”

 

***

 

Clint declined to use the stone, citing his family Christmas card as a rationale. “Where would I go that’s better than now?” he asked. “Did you see the holiday antlers on the new dog?”

“Yes,” Wanda said sweetly. It was a cute photo.

“How many dogs is it now?” Vision asked quietly. Wanda held up three fingers and grinned. She never used the stone, either. It was still too painful to go back and see her family. When she and Clint hung up, she sighed.

“Give it, uh,” Vision said.

“Time?” Wanda asked wryly.

“Sorry, yes,” Vision said, looking chagrined. Wanda nodded and patted his hand. She knew what he meant.

She did hope it would hurt less eventually, so she could bring herself to step into the machine. She wanted to hug her brother once, at least.

 

***

 

Tony used the stone to visit Howard at various times and locations. He was going to confront his father for being so shitty and drunk all the time. But each time he pulled up at a different mansion in a different, period appropriate sports car, he got too nervous to go inside. “What if he yells at me?” he said to himself. “How do I handle this?”

Tony was sitting in front of his father’s house in 1957 when Edwin Jarvis came out to the gate.

“Can I help you?” he said.

“Jarvis?” Tony said, then realized Jarvis wouldn’t recognize him because he hadn’t been born yet.

“I’m sorry?” Jarvis said.

“I’m, uh, someone who knows Howard—Mr. Stark,” Tony began, rambling a little. “I want to say something to him, but, it’s difficult.”

“Yes,” Jarvis said. “Mr. Stark can be a difficult man to locate. Shall I tell him you stopped by?”

“No, no thank you, Jarvis, I’ll try again another time. But it’s uh, good to see you,” Tony said.

“So, we have met?” Jarvis said.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you fondly,” Tony said, cranking the car. “Tell Peggy Carter and Mrs. Jarvis hello!” he called out, waving goodbye.

“I shall,” Jarvis said, waving back, “—if I had the slightest idea of your name,” he said quietly. “What an odd individual. Very nice car, though.”

 

***

 

Sam used the stone to go back and try to win his fight against Rumlow. “This is the time, man,” he told Bucky. “My time. I can feel it.”

“Give it up, this is your fifth attempt. I don’t wanna tell Stevie that you missed the portal back and got squashed,” Bucky said.

“It’s not like it messes up the main thread, c’mon,” Sam said. He stepped into the void and Bucky smirked.

“He’s gonna get his ass kicked again,” the ex-Winter Soldier said out loud.

Some twenty minutes later, Bucky was reading when Sam slid back through the machine again. Only this time, he wasn’t alone.  Brock Rumlow had followed on his heels.“Told you this was a bad idea,” Bucky said, not looking up.

“Fuck,” Rumlow said, “where am I? Barnes?”

“Stark Industries. It’s 2019,” Bucky said coolly. At his feet, Sam groaned.

“Shoot him,” Sam said.

“I ain’t shooting anybody. I told you this was”—at that moment Rumlow took off running and dashed through the lab doors—“a stupid idea,” Bucky said.

“Shit,” Sam said, getting up. “You coming? Motherfucker—”

“Yeah, sure,” Bucky said. “Can I tell Steve?”

“We are not telling Cap,” Sam said, hurrying. “We never tell Cap.”

“He can’t get out of the building without a badge,” Bucky said. “This could be fun.”

 

***

 

Newly minted executive assistant Darcy Lewis was getting off the elevator when someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a stairwell. “Get me out of this building,” a voice said, “and I’ll pay you ten-thousand dollars.”

“Sure,” Darcy said casually. She thought she felt a gun.

“Sure? Foster’s Assistant?” the voice said, incredulous.

“I was an intern for years,” Darcy said. “I missed money a lot.” She tilted up her head to see her hostage taker. “It’s you!” she said. “You’re the dead guy, whatshisname, Skullface?”

“Skullface?” Rumlow said. “Did you take peyote or something in New Mexico?”

“Nope, but you are definitely dead. Did Sam try to re-fight you again?” Darcy said.

“What?” Rumlow said.

“It’s complicated, but you’ve been dead since 2015? 2014? I’m not sure. Which probably means you can’t pay me. Nobody ever does,” she said, sighing.

“I’m dead?” he said.

“Yup. You are very dead. I swear on my four year unpaid internship,” Darcy said, as she used her card to get him to a service elevator.

“I think that’s illegal,” he told her. “There are labor laws.”

“Sure, Skullface, tell that to my student loan balance,” she said.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” he said.

“I think it’s the name you gave yourself when you robbed those banks? Oh wait, you’re not burned, so it hasn’t happened yet, has it?”

“Burned?” he said.

“Oh, yeah. Whole building landed on you after that fight. Here you go, have fun,” Darcy said, opening the door to the parking garage. “Try not to fall into another life of crime or whatever, but I’ll accept the bank’s money if you find it.”

“Okay, thanks,” he said, pocketing the item he’d used to take her hostage.

“Oh, man, a Milky Way? I thought you had a gun. I could have tased you!” Darcy said.

“Nope,” he said. “Stole it off a desk. Appreciate your help, sweetheart.” He jogged away.

“Welp,” Darcy said out loud. “My life is always drama-adjacent. But that is not my mess.”

 

Ten minutes later, she passed Sam and Bucky. “Have you seen Crossbones?” Sam asked.

“Ohhhh,” Darcy said. “That was it! He got out through the parking garage. I thought he had a gun.”

“S’okay, doll,” Bucky said sweetly. Sam was busy cursing.

“Shit!” he said.

“We’ll find him,” Bucky told Darcy. 

 

In the nearest coffee shop, Rumlow was using the 2013-era phone in his pocket to google his own name. “Shit,” he said. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

 

***

 

Nat finally decided her Russian was good enough to visit her parents. “Nervous?” Tony asked.

“A little,” she admitted.

“I’ve thrown up on my last three trips,” he said. “Ah, here’s Cap.” Steve stepped through the portal. “How’s Peggy?” Tony asked.

“As wonderful as ever,” Steve said, beaming. “Had dinner with Chester Phillips and his wife. Real fireworks.”

“Uh-huh,” Nat said, catching the twinkle in Steve’s eye.

“Good,” Tony said.

“Sam find Rumlow yet?” Steve asked.

“There’s been some developments,” Nat admitted. She hugged Steve and stepped into the machine with a whoosh.

“That’s code for complete disaster,” Tony joked. “He called in and said he’d be disappearing and wouldn’t bother anybody.”

“Huh,” Steve said. “Isn’t that something? Well, I’m sure Sam will find him.” He went off whistling.

“Did I mention he sent Darcy Lewis a six-figure bribe?” Tony called. “Enough to pay off her student loans!”

 

***

 

Peggy Carter’s phone rang at home. It was her sister in law, wondering if Steve was still in residence. “Sorry,” Peggy said, “you just missed him.”

“Why, Peggy, you sound almost pleased,” Dorothy said teasingly.

“Of course not,” Peggy said. “I love Steve, I adore him. He’s perfect. I hate when he has to go back for a few weeks…Only he does leave so many charcoal sticks and colored pencils about and he has no concept of what it’s like to try to run a federal agency _seriously_ or how to get through a dinner with Chester Phillips. This time, they yelled about chain of command so much, poor Margie actually burst into tears during the soup.”

“Poor Margie,” Dorothy said.

“The woman is a bundle of nerves. Which is what I’m going to be if things don’t stop being so tiresome in research and development at SHIELD. And French Indo-China.”

“I don’t know how you manage, Peggy,” Dorothy said.

“Well,” Peggy said, reaching down to take off her shoe and finding a stray colored pencil under the bed. Steve had been sketching her again. “The most delicious thing about a traveling husband is the reunions.”

 

***

 

Captain Marvel really had no utility for a time stone, being Captain Marvel. “There’s nowhere you wanna go, doll?” Bucky Barnes asked her. “No place? Me, I’d like to heckle some folks with some interesting facts about 2019 America and Sam’s busy chasing Rumlow,” he said. Carol’s eyes lit up.

“There was this one bigoted asshole at the Air War College that I’d love to visit in 1994…” she began.

“Can I come too?” Peter Parker asked from the ceiling. He’d been walking upside down.

“Sure,” Bucky said cheerfully. “But no telling Tony.”

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tony,” Carol said, snorting.

“Is that what that stands for?” Peter asked.

“They’re so young and so innocent,” Bucky said, smiling. “It’s really nice.”

“It is,” Carol said. “We were never so young.”

“Of course not,” Bucky said.

“Do you know who Kurt Cobain is?” Carol said to Peter.

“Who? That friend of Scott’s from Russia?” Peter said.

“Oh God, we have to take him,” Carol said. “I can’t just sit here and let him live like this.”

 

***

 

Bruce Banner went back to his pre-Hulk university years. He thought he would enjoy being treated like a regular professor for once. He was delighted for three or four days. Only he had actually forgotten how _rude_ people were when they didn’t find you terrifying. And the grading! He was crossing campus with an armload of terrible essays when he realized the parking guys in their little golf cart were putting a boot on his Volvo for being on the line. “Goddammit,” he said. “I miss people being afraid of me.”


End file.
